How To Win Friends And Influence People – Dale Carnegie

I heard about this book when I was looking for business culture experiences. There is a start up, Buffer, which is a role model for me. Reading about its business culture a discovered Joel and Leo (Founders of Buffer) read and reread this book several times. As they say  “A lot of the Buffer values are derived from his deeply impactful words”.

So I read this book looking for values I want to implant in my start up and I wasn’t disappointed. Dale Carnegie give us several advice in his book, many of them are common sense but you need someone tell you to be aware.

At the end of each chapter you will find a summary with the principles shown, here you are my own summary with these principles and other interesting advice I found:

Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.

Check up each week on the progress you are making. Ask yourself what mistakes you have made, what improvement, what lessons you have learned for the future.

‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof,’ said Confucious, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean.’

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

‘A great man shows his greatness,’ said Carlyle, ‘by the way he treats little men.’

PRINCIPLE 1: Don’t criticise, condemn or complain.
THERE IS ONLY one way under high heaven to get anybody to do anything. Did you ever stop to think of that? Yes, just one way. And that is by making the other person want to do it.

General Obregon’s philosophy: ‘Don’t be afraid of enemies who attack you. Be afraid of the friends who flatter you.’

PRINCIPLE 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.

First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way.’

Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself: ‘How can I make this person want to do it?’

If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own

When we have a brilliant idea, instead of making others think it is ours, why not let them cook and stir the idea themselves. They will then regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.

PRINCIPLE 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. It is from among such individuals that all human failures spring.

Publilius Syrus, remarked: ‘We are interested in others when they are interested in us.

PRINCIPLE 1: Become genuinely interested in other people.

It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.

‘There is nothing either good or bad,’ said Shakespeare, ‘but thinking makes it so.’

PRINCIPLE 2: Smile.

Jim Farley discovered early in life that the average person is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together.

Franklin D. Roosevelt knew that one of the simplest, most obvious and most important ways of gaining good will was by remembering names and making people feel important – yet how many of us do it?

PRINCIPLE 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Harvard president Charles W. Eliot, ‘There is no mystery about successful business intercourse . . . Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important. Nothing else is so flattering as that.’

PRINCIPLE 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.

PRINCIPLE 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Always make the other person feel important.

Emerson said: ‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him.’

Disraeli, one of the shrewdest men who ever ruled the British Empire. ‘Talk to people about themselves and they will listen for hours.’

PRINCIPLE 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

PRINCIPLE 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

PRINCIPLE 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, ‘You’re wrong.’

If we know we are going to be rebuked anyhow, isn’t it far better to beat the other person to it and do it ourselves? Isn’t it much easier to listen to self-criticism than to bear condemnation from alien lips?

Any fool can try to defend his or her mistakes – and most fools do – but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit one’s mistakes.

By fighting you never get enough, but by yielding you get more than you expected.

PRINCIPLE 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Lincoln said: ‘A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.’

PRINCIPLE 4: Begin in a friendly way.

PRINCIPLE 5: Get the other person saying ‘yes, yes’ immediately.

La Rochefoucauld, the French philosopher, said: ‘If you want enemies, excel your friends; but if you want friends, let your friends excel you.’

PRINCIPLE 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

PRINCIPLE 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

try to think the whole thing through from another person’s point of view.? Ask yourself: ‘Why should he or she want to do it?’

I would rather walk the sidewalk in front of a person’s office for two hours before an interview than step into that office without a perfectly clear idea of what I was going to say and what that person – from my knowledge of his or her interests and motives – was likely to answer.

PRINCIPLE 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

PRINCIPLE 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

PRINCIPLE 10: Appeal to the nobler motives.

PRINCIPLE 11: Dramatise your ideas.

Let Charles Schwab say it in his own words: ‘The way to get things done,’ says Schwab, ‘is to stimulate competition. I do not mean in a sordid money-getting way, but in the desire to excel.’

PRINCIPLE 12: Throw down a challenge.

PRINCIPLE 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

PRINCIPLE 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

PRINCIPLE 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticising the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

PRINCIPLE 5: Let the other person save face.

PRINCIPLE 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.’

Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.’ But give him a good name – and see what happens!

PRINCIPLE 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines in mind when it is necessary to change attitudes or behaviour:
1 Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
2 Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants.
4 Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.
5 Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.
6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

PRINCIPLE 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.